My Dad was admitted to the ICU in April this year. We had made it through the hard winter months and thought we escaped the yearly trip to the ICU/hospital but it crept up on him nonetheless. Last year Elaina was 5 months old, Justin was about 3 months and Jaxon was 4 1/2 months or so, we had 3 strollers in the waiting room at one point but they were MUCH easier to control in that setting at that age than they were this year. As you can imagine an 18 month is very difficult to keep off the floor and doesn't understand the concept of a germ consciencious mother who's skin crawls and gets the hebbie jebbies every time her babies hands touched the floor. I don't know how many times I wiped things down and sprayed them with hand sanitizer, lol. The second night I finally just decided to try not to think about it and pray they didn't get sick. While watching the two of them play it made me reflect on the last year and filled me with gratitude for all I had been blessed with. We've had our challenges in many shapes and forms, but I remember all to vividly sitting in the ICU waiting room trying to prepare my 27 year old mind and heart to lose my Superman. Facing that you realize no matter how old you are or what phase in life you are in, you are NEVER ready to face that or to let go. Thinking back on the last year I think mostly of all the moments my Dad has been there for my little Elaina and about the sweet, tender relationship she has with her Papa. He is one of her best buddies in the world. She adores her Papa! Those two have a special bond and it has been fun to watch it flourish and watch him [and Grammy] spoil her rotten. It broke my heart when Marcus and Elaina saw their Papa and got worried instantly once they saw how sick he looked. Elaina reached for her Papa, took one look at him and started crying and reaching for him. She bought made me lose it then and there flashing back to last year but I knew I had to be strong for her and Marcus so as not to frighten them more. I feared the worst feeling the pain of my little Dolly and how crushed she'd be if she were to lose her Papa now. I am grateful for priesthood blessings and the advancements in modern medicine. Facing hard times and scary thoughts again, I am grateful for parents who raised me with a knowledge of the Plan of Salvation and knowing our Heavenly Father has a plan for all of us. I am grateful for the power of priesthood and to have a husband who holds and honors that sacred duty. In such moments of fear, anxiety, and sadness, it's amazing to me how the Spirit can comfort and touch us to bring peace and happiness in the most trying times of all. I am grateful for the strong man my Dad is and am glad he fought to come home. I love you Dad!
Matchy matchy...
On a more random and less emotional note, as we got ready for the day after bath time while I was getting Elaina diapered and dressed, I sent Marcus up to get his clothes and told him to get something with long sleeves that was warm since it was snowing. This shirt is what he chose. Knowing we would be seeing Justin at the hospital I told him, "Hey maybe Justin will wear his matching shirt and I can finally get the two of you with your matching shirts on [what can I say, great minds think alike so sometimes the kids end up with SOME of the same clothes and since they both got the same shirt, I've wanted a picture of both of them wearing it.] When we got to the hospital and saw Justin in the waiting room and saw he was wearing the same shirt I had to laugh and thought, it's a good thing I have my camera! haha! Justin wasn't having it at the time and since I had two little boys not into pictures at the moment, I just took it and left it at that. :) This was the intention of the post...to 'document' the happy moment where I could FINALLY get a picture of them wearing their twin-er shirts but saw the picture of Justin and Elaina and all that came out too, sometimes writing is a cartharsis for me and apparently I needed to talk even if it's to myself to help me remember. :)
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