Elaina's 1st Birthday!

So this is very much so past due but I've really got to back track on a few of my blogs just because they are important milestones for my family. One day I'll turn my blog post into a book so I can't have the BIG moments missing...here's hoping I can do better to keep these up to date once I get caught up.

We had Elaina's family birthday party the Sunday before her actual birthday and it was a blast! She was so happy and cute the whole weekend. The Saturday before her party her two nephews had a camp out for a boys night...they did just 'boy stuff' during the day but she thought she was hot stuff hanging out with Spidey, Batman, and Hogle Zoo Boy. Here are some snap shots of her the day of her party, with her presents and her actual birthday where we went to the zoo with two of her aunts and her cousin, Justin! Fun week!

Saying cheese for the camera! Yes, the following night when I was taking a picture of them in the tent Marcus says, say cheese and without skipping a beat, Elaina grins real big and says, "CHEESE!" She had a big audience here and was drinking it up!

Elaina's 1st Birthday Cake - Made with love by Mommy

A long time tradition in our family is to have a cake ONLY for the birthday girl [or boy] on their first birthday just for them to 'destroy.' This was Elaina's very own birthday cake.

She loved her new toy box, she kept wanting to climb in and play so finally we let her, wasn't long before one of her buddies was in their too.

She just beamed ear to ear while we sang to her. Was so happy and clapping her hands...she was also captivated by the flames on her cake!

Manny was in charge of the video camera and there was a technical difficulty with it so I don't have footage of her. She was hesitant to start with and then got the hang of it and loved it! Then her Daddy gently pushed her face in it and she was mad to begin with and then just dug in since she was already dirty I guess. :)

Gettin' the hang of it!

So I could remember what all she got I took her picture with all of her gifts. She was playing with Marcus and not to happy to have to take a time out here but I had to get things cleaned and organized so it was then or never....

Marcus started singing to her and she started to come around...before long she was happy, her though she's in between being happy and mad still.

The Big Day! Manny, Marcus, Elaina, Me, Justin, and Jessie

Aunt Jessie and Aunt Amy took the day off to come to the zoo with us! It was a lot of fun having them and Justin with us to celebrate the big 1! [The sun was blaring and I couldn't keep my eyes open to save my life so this is a horrible picture, but it's the only one I have so here we are.]

Aunt Amy with Justin, Marcus and Elaina

Mommy and Elaina checking out the Elephants! One of our favorites!

Justin and Elaina...stroller cruizin buddies.

Checking out the bears! Another of our favorites!

Aunt Jessie and Justin

Playing around on the big elephant that startled the kids...they looked so concerned, it was pretty funny to watch their reaction.

Getting ready to check out the rhino's. Not in the zoo 10 minutes and she already had her socks and shoes off. Guess that's what happens when you have babies that time of year. They were too small to HAVE to have shoes on all the time during the summer, since she didn't like them on I didn't make her wear them during the summer because I don't like shoes...took awhile to get her use to wearing them but we are getting there slowly.

Stopping at the ol' water whole.

Aunt Amy and Elle checking out the big cats!

Aunt Bun Bun and Marcus

-hitchin' a ride :)

Justin and Elaina...they weren't too sure about these things.

Can you tell he has had his picture taken a bunch. He posed himself here and told me to take his picture. Good work Marcus! I've taught you well lil' Buckaroo!

On her birthday Elaina was cruising everywhere as long as she was holding onto something. It's not that she couldn't, it's that she wouldn't until SHE was ready! She says Dad, Mama, Cheese, Hi, Bye, she waves bye and blows kisses. When it's time for her bath she always steps out of her PJ bottoms and will reach to put her arms in the sleeves when getting dressed. She's been doing the latter two since she was about 10 1/2 months and has been drinking from a straw since about 9 months. She's learned to do a lot of things by one! Her pediatrician said kids that have a bigger vocabulary usually walk later and vice versa so she wasn't concerned about it. I wasn't either as I know like with everything else, she will do it WHEN SHE IS READY and not on anyone else's time frame. So her she is finally humoring me and standing up pretending to walk and taking 2-3 steps before she refuses to do anymore! You are a stubborn and independent little one Elle. I don't know where you get that from.

Going for a walk with Mommy and Popi

Measuring up to the apes! They have this new measuring chart which I hadn't seen...Marcus thought it was great! Elaina was a good little mimic and did exactly as Daddy and her big brother did.

To end the festivities we stopped at Cafe Rio for dinner! We are singing happy birthday to her here and she is eating it up! LOVED the whole thing!

She was EXHAUSTED by the time we got home. Justin went and laid in her crib and Elaina crashed on Marcus' bed! She had too much fun!

Manny and I took Marcus to the zoo on his birthday. Since it was perfect season to go on hers that's where we decided to go to make it a tradition. We had a lot of fun spending time with one another and are so thankful to have our little Elaina, "Lainer, Lainey, Elle." I don't know what we ever did without her! Thank you for a wonderful year Elaina and for all the joy, peace, happiness, and love you bring to all of our lives! We sure do love you and are so grateful you belong to us. I can't believe a year has already flown by! "Can I keep you?"

Going for a Drive

They say a sign of getting older is time going by more quickly. Even though I am now closer to the big 3-0 than 20 I still don't consider myself 'old.' I have convinced myself that I never want to grow 'old'....more mature, wiser, kinder...yes. But not 'old.' Thank goodness for two children and several nieces and nephews to keep me young at heart and help me to remember the important things of life....just so happens that the most important 'things' in life aren't things.

I got cancelled the last 8 hours of my shift at the hospital so I now find myself resisting the urge to wake Elaina up so I can hug and kiss her and tell her how much I missed her cute little face. Now, I am waiting for the sleeping pills to kick in so that sleep can come. In the meantime I've been looking at blog posts that my sister is so good about doing, wondering where this last summer has gone...year has gone! In looking at the little faces I adore so much I started thinking about the power of love. How blessed I am to have felt love in the capacity that I have. I know some people search and search and will never know the feeling. There are a lot of "things" in this world that I don't have or will never have, but I have been blessed with the gift of love in my life.

I remember being a top the peak at Snowbird, standing on a grand mountain, snowflakes dancing around two love birds, clouds creeping upon us, engulfing and crawling over the mountain side. I remember that moment and the exact words he said to me and I remember thinking I how much I thought I loved Manny that day. I remember walking down the isle seeing so many loved ones faces and then finally resting my eyes on my future husband, seeing his handsome face as each step I took brought me closer and closer to him, my body unable to breathe or think or concentrate on anything but that moment....seeing his soft gentle stare and admiration for the woman he beheld drew me closer, I remember then how I thought I loved him then. I remember the first time as a family we got to go to lunch [Manny, Marcus and I.] I remember feeling so happy and feeling so in love with these two boys. I remember the first time Marcus thought enough of me to call me 'Mommy.' The first time he ran and greeted me with hugs and a kiss voluntarily and was genuinely happy and excited to see ME....the first time he said "I love you Jana," the first time I saw him truly sad to leave me. The first time he chose to give me hugs first instead of Manny. I thought I knew love then. Becoming a step parent first, knowing how I feel about Marcus, I never believed that the love I would feel for Marcus would be different than what I would feel for my own child. I was wrong and I've just barely pin pointed the difference. I have always given my love freely to Marcus. The only way I knew how to be a step parent was to treat him as my own child therefore, I did as any mother would do. I gave him my heart whole hearted freely. I sacrificed. I felt empty when he left our little nest. Joy when he got that "ah ha!" moment. I thought and prayed about him when he was miles away, when he was in the next room, when he was curled up in my lap. The difference you ask?While I was giving of myself and loving him best I knew how....unlike the love I share with Elaina....Marcus' love isn't always unconditional love being reciprocated back towards me. With the hard moments and difficult side of step parenting came so many good and incredible moments, so many moments that you thought your heart would burst from the joy and happiness and love one felt...Being a step parent....I thought I knew what love is.

I remember the day I read the pregnancy test was positive. I remember being in our little apartment and looking into my husband's anxious face - eyes dancing around my face searching, hoping for the yes. Happy to see the twinkle in his eyes when he heard the news. I remember feeling so in love with him in that moment and so completely happy. That day, I thought I knew what love was. The day I had my first ultrasound and first saw Elaina in my belly...my heart stopped beating as I saw her little bean shaped self dance around inside me, love burned in me. The first time I beheld her gorgeous face, the first time she nestled down in my arms and like that I had fallen in love all over again. With her. With Manny. With Marcus. I thought I knew what love was. In these moments and so many others - too many to name by one, I've thought I knew the meaning and the feeling of love. Then comes a moment where I am so consumed with joy, happiness, love, adoration, peace that I wonder how so many months ago, so many times over...how I THOUGHT I was in love when this is ten times greater, deeper, stronger.

This coming Saturday I am "going for a drive." ;) I believe when you are trying to be good the adversary, 'forces of evil,' whatever you wish to call it will try and keep you from doing that which will make you a better person, that which will make you stronger, and happier. A lot of opposition has become Manny and I as we prepare for "our drive." It has been hard, difficult, sometimes unbearable forcing us to tears and down on our knees in prayer but it's had the reverse effect it meant to - it has brought us closer. Made us stronger. Taken our two broken hearts and weaved them together as one. When we felt we couldn't go on, that it was too hard, or too painful, we learned to embrace each other and let our tears become as one. Each time gaining a deeper love and appreciation for the other and being able to remember why we fell in love with one another. I have waited for this upcoming moment for a long time and been through hell and back to get there. I know when Saturday comes and that moment I've been waiting for is here, I know that I will once again find myself thinking, feeling...I thought I knew love. I thought I was in love. I thought I felt love until now but this...well this is indescribable, completely overwhelming in the most positive sense there is and total and complete joy, happiness....and peace.....and....love will consume my entire being.

I cannot wait for that moment and the many more to come in the coming years.

Happy 1st Birthday Elaina!!

Me about 4 AM waiting for my baby

Same time, Manny waiting...wouldn't it be nice to be a guy and have the ability to sleep through everything? ;)

Here she is!!! Her first cries were music to my ears!

Amazing to me how alert she was even the day she was born.

My 'snow white'

Proud big brother. He was a little aprehensive when he first met her but then warmed up to her and has latched on to her ever since. When he gets home Wednesday morning's now he goes straight to her crib to peak on her. He is adorable with her.

Love at first sight.

It's amazing how quickly a year can come and go. A year ago tonight about this time [midnight] I was hunched over in pain and had finally surrendered to Elaina's plans and told Manny IT WAS TIME TO GO. This baby was coming! She has other plans for her Mommy. Last August I craved PEACHES and Cafe Rio [spicy foods]. The feelings of discomfort in my own body are too imprinted in my memory to forget just after a year. Swollen feet, toes, legs, achy, tired back, a certain picture Manny took of my sad foot the weekend Amy moved in to her house is too vivid still in my mind to be forgotten already. Despite the discomfort, my favorite parts of being pregnant was towards the end. Lying on my back and watching my tummy roll in waves as I watched my little girl moving around inside me. Feeling the movements of her [although they became strong and sometimes painful] I was still in complete awe at the miracle growing inside me.

After a long hard week at work [12 hours shifts KILL when you're a pregnant CNA even if it's 2-3 shifts a week] combined with other activities during the weekend left me drained and exhausted. Although I didn't do much to help my sister move as I felt so sick and exhausted from the work week and getting things prepared and organized for her arrival...what I did do still left me feeling more fatigued. Labor Day I finally slept in until about 10:45 and got some rest. When I woke up I had all sorts of energy. "Nesting" had set in and I got a lot of stuff done and set out to run last minute errands. I remember after a few stops I stopped at Subway to get a sandwich because I needed to eat something but I didn't want anything too greasy. While I was eating my lunch [about 3:30] I just had an overwhelming sense of peace and happiness come over me. About that same time I also started having the beginning of labor pains. My next stop was Wal Mart to exchange some duplicate gifts for other little fillers we needed for her. Labor Day at Wal Mart was not the day to do exchanges. I waited in line at the service desk for over a half an hour. I remember I kept getting pains and it became more and more difficult to stand there let alone tolerate the annoying people around me. I finally made it through the line and back to the back of the store to get what I needed and decided I couldn't go anywhere else, that I just needed to lie down for a few minutes and all would be fine again. My contractions kept coming and were consistently 5-7 minutes apart and then would stop for a bit so I kept telling myself it wasn't the real deal and she wasn't coming. I remember about 8:00 at night my mom saying, "Manny. Would you please tell your wife that this baby is coming tonight. She isn't working tomorrow, she's having a baby." About 9:30 is when I started to time and keep good track of my contractions again as I decided I better start again just in case [9:00 they had slowed down for about an hour so I took 2 Tylenol PM so I could sleep before my shift]. For two hours they were right on schedule...I didn't want to go to the hospital and be sent home so I tracked them a longer than what my Dr. told me to be sure it was the real deal. A little before midnight when I experienced a very intense contraction I decided she WAS in fact coming and I better hit the road.

We got to the hospital and got checked in. When they checked me I was dilated to a 6. About 12:45 my water broke. I got my epidural shortly after and it was smooth sailing the rest of the way. Elaina and I had a deal that she would wait until September to be born and that she wouldn't come over Labor Day weekend because Marcus would be out of town to a reunion with his Mom. I also didn't want her to come over the weekend because Amy was moving and needed man power to get moved out of her apartment. I wanted to work one more week but she listened to the most important request I made so I couldn't complain. I had one final last minute request - that she wait until Dr. Terry got there to be born.

It was a surprisingly short night considering. I fell asleep for about 5 minutes then the nurse came in to check me and I was awake the rest of the time. I kept thinking about what she was doing prior to being born. I kept thinking about what she would look like. What Marcus would do when he saw her. I was too stoked to sleep. I just sat in my delivery room, Manny asleep at my side on the couch, my mom sitting in front of me on a chair who FINALLY decided to get a couple minutes of sleep for the big moment and I thought of every last little thing I could. Modern medicine is a beautiful thing. Since I got the epidural, I didn't feel a thing until it wore off which made the rest of the delivery a very pleasant, beautiful, experience as neither I or Elaina had any complications.

Right at shift change I was dilated to a 10 and 100% effaced. They were getting things set up and I was getting nervous as my Dr. wasn't in the room yet. About 7:15 I think it was, he came in was gowned and ready to go in no time. It was the moment of truth. I don't remember it taking very long to get her out, 5-7 pushes and she was here at 7:34 AM. I remember waiting breathlessly to hear that first breath and cry... and nothing. As I watched my baby and Dr. Terry he was tickling her feet and stroking her and finally gave her bum a swat and out it came as did my first breath after she was born. I was a Mommy. My little girl had safely made it here and her first sad, scared cries were music to my ears. I couldn't believe the shear perfection I saw right before me. "2 pounds of hair," beautiful skin, perfect 10 toes and fingers, the cutest round little cheeks. I could finally let a few tears fall in absolute joy and happiness as I looked around this perfect scene and saw my husband beaming with joy and pride and my own Mother there to be with me on this special day for me, listening to her tell me all about her first big stories I anxiously awaited a closer look. I reached my trembling arms to receive my little bonita. I fell in love 10 times over and over, again and again. As they took her away I felt empty and alone and ached to hold and smell and kiss her. While they took care of her we called her new big brother to tell him the news. He wasn't too sure about it. When he first met her - he wasn't too sure about her but shortly after he was all big brother and couldn't get enough of her.

Marcus' last Soccer Game

June 13, 2009

Here's the proud Popi and Marcus after Marcus' last game. He played very well the last game and even scored his first goal! After the previous week of him just mopping around the field it was good to see him have fun out there and get in to the game. We had 2 of Marcus' cousins sleep over Friday night last weekend for a boys night, thought it would be perfect because then we could take them both to his last soccer game. In honor of Marcus' last game and boys night I made him a soccer cake and cup cakes which even had little soccer ball stuff on the cupcake holders. I had lots of batter left from the cake so I made cupcakes and told Marcus he could take some to share with his team mates because I thought it'd be fun for him and because I wanted to get rid of them because we didn't need that much cake around. It was pouring the rain when we were getting ready and so in my head I'm thinking man, we can't take the cake and cupcakes because the cupcakes would be lame without the cake and if I take the cake they will get ruined from the rain. When we left it had cleared up but I was rushing trying to get everyone and every thing there and on time I ended up leaving without it. Such is life, we were the only ones to enjoy it and Marcus was so proud of his cake all day. We served it as part of Jessie's birthday dessert so it's all good and his other cousins got to enjoy it as well!
He was so proud of his cake...we were all bummed we forgot it but it was made for him so at least he got to enjoy it! While I was decorating it Friday night the boys would be running around playing and then come in and check up on my progress. They would say, "Don't forget the white Jana." [I did the black icing first so they were worried I would forget the white I guess.] "You are doing very good at that." They cracked me up and made it even more fun for me to do.
It would figure...with our little munchkins and 2 of my nephews to get ready by the time it was time for me to get ready, there was no time for me. Plus it was pouring rain so I figured if it was like the last game where it poured I would just wear grubby clothes and then get ready for the day after the game so I didn't feel like a drowned rat....the one time we take a picture together I look like a bum who crawled out of bed...and Elaina isn't even in this one. Oh well, here we are with our awesome little soccer player. Manny was rushing us though it b/c the next team was getting ready....and we didn't get Elaina in the picture...sorry Lainey!
Taking a minute with his proud Popi...they are like two peas in a pod those two! Manny is such a great Daddy!

Playing hard. Several times, Marcus would push [tackle] the other kids...we try to tell him he's not playing football...Manny finally pulled him aside and told him to stop pushing the other kids that it wasn't nice. It broke his heart that Dad 'scolded' him but he bounced back from it and was much better after that about plowing the other kids over. What a brute! I think one day he will make a perfect football player. :)

Marcus' smallest cheerleader! Elaina LOVES her big brother and thinks the world of him!

Getting ready for kickoff! [Man, the pictures are backwards again..this one was suppose to be on the top....will I ever get it right?]

Celebrating 2 Short Years!!

June 9, 2007 The day we began our journey together as husband and wife.

Park City, Utah 2009

The year we got married we stayed in Park City the first two nights because Jessie and Jason's wedding was the following Saturday and we couldn't be too far away. I didn't want to go back to our apt our wedding night so we stayed in Park City and had a mini honeymoon, came home for family reunions and a wedding and then left to Oregon on our 'real' honeymoon. Since our anniversary falls on a Tuesday this year...we decided to go to Park City overnight to celebrate our anniversary the weekend before and re-live, sort of speak our 'first' honeymoon. Marcus was with his mom that weekend and Elaina had her first sleep over at her cousin Justin's. Jessie and Amy watched her while Manny and I left for some R&R. I was REALLY dreading leaving her but I was also REALLY looking forward to some quality time with just Manny and I. I told Manny, I wouldn't change being a mom or step mom for the world but I forgot how nice it was to spend just time with the two of us...our own space, no kids interrupting every 5 minutes, no one waking up in the middle of the night crying and bringing you out of your shallow slumber. We did some shopping, went out for dinner and enjoyed our very own hot tub for two. Above is a picture of Manny and I before we left our hotel Sunday.

Our family today.

We are blessed to have two beautiful children. It's funny how much has changed in two short years. After we got married Manny wanted another baby but I was set on finishing school. I told him not so soon that we needed to get a little more financially stable and pay off debt and work on our education. In September [yes, just 3 short months] I kept getting the impression that it was time to have a baby. When I told Manny about my change of heart - of course he was all for it but I told him since it was such a life changing event I wanted to wait a month or two and see if we both felt we should at that time. I was scared to and didn't know how we would work things out and worried about school, child care, and everything else but knew it was time and couldn't deny or delay Elaina's arrival any longer. So we started trying and 2 months later, our little Elaina was on her way. I was surprised we got pregnant so quickly but we were both emotionally ready and so I knew the rest would work itself out...eventually. :) It has been a roller coaster ride since but one of our greatest blessings. We wonder how we ever lived without her before....she has been such a blessing to our lives. It has been so fun for Manny and I to watch Marcus take on the role of a big brother. He is so sweet, caring, and protective of his little sister. Marcus and Elaina are both special to Manny and myself. They both bring their own unique ways of how they bless our lives and our family. We are so grateful to have them both.These pictures of our wedding day were suppose to go on first, but after trying 3 different times to download pictures from 3 different media sources while being interrupted by a teething baby off and on, I decided I don't care if they are in order anymore. Here is a brief look back at our wedding day.

Manny and his best 'little' man. They look so sharp! Marcus was so little he didn't know what was going on. His mom barely let him come for a couple of hours so we barely have any photo's of him. It still makes me so mad and sad but we still had a wonderful day despite her trying to ruin it for us.

"I do."

Posing for the photographer.

Our wedding day was completely insane. Hindsight, I would have done our ceremony earlier in the day and not back to back to the reception because it was too much too close and some of the little things that are little but important got over looked...but we had family coming long distance and wouldn't be here til early afternoon and I couldn't have them miss the ceremony since they came all the way out here, plus arrangements with Marcus complicated things as well. In the end, it was a beautiful, perfect day and when some of the little things didn't go as planned, I took the advice of my sister and let the 'little things' go and enjoyed our day together. We still got married, had many family and friends come to share in our day and overall....it was a beautiful, intimate wedding. One funny memory I had is my gorgeous little flower girls walked down the wrong side of the pool...they were so broken hearted I didn't get to walk on the rose petals, How could I be upset with them? I had been to a wedding the Saturday before mine and the flower girl only dropped a few flowers, so I told them, their job was to have empty baskets by the time they got to Manny. When they came up to me they said, "We are so sorry Jana, but look our baskets are empty." I could only laugh it off and thank them for doing a great job!

Mr. and Mrs. Montes [that use to sound so funny to say, now I think, oh yeah, I was a Bogenrief for 26 years....]

I am so grateful I got to marry my best friend. It has been said that "Love is friendship on fire." I think that completely describes Manny and I. We are completely and utterly in love with one another, it's amazing to me that I love him more today than I did on our wedding day. Sometimes we drive each other crazy too and we aren't perfect but our love and friendship always prevails over all else. We've had our share of struggles and been blessed with opportunities to grow as a couple and as individuals, but I can honestly say that while we've only been married 2 years, it literally feels like a blink of an eye. Thank you for walking by my side through it all and for blessing my life with you, an amazing step son, and a beautiful daughter. I look forward to many more years of walking by your side, hand and hand, from here to eternity mi amore. My love forever. XOXO