Papa's Pumpkin Carving Bash 2009

My parents have always taken great care of their garden and flower gardens. I remember several seasons of helping tend and care for the yard. Besides mowing the lawn [which the boys did] my dad pretty much did all the maintenance for his garden and the flower beds. Yard work kept him busy this last year and active and out of the house since he has had to be off work since this last February due to health issues. In the Spring he planted a bunch of pumpkins [with the grandkids in mind]. Throughout the whole season he would tell Elaina and the others the progress of the pumpkins he was growing for them. During the Summer, Marcus and Elaina loved to go out and help Papa in the yard. My Dad loved having Marcus out there to be his helper and talk with him and Marcus loved it too! Recently during fall clean up my Dad was quite tickled at Elaina as she took the apples from the bucket and threw them elsewhere helping her Papa and Daddy. That's how it was growing up in the Bogenrief household...finding a way to enjoy and have fun doing the work that had to be done.

The idea was to have a pumpkin carving night and make soups and make a night of hanging out and getting our pumpkins ready for Halloween. As luck would have it the week of Halloween half of my nieces and nephews got sick and had to miss the carving bash and the others lived too far away to come so it ended up just being Marcus, Elaina, and Justin! We missed the others but still had fun! It was fun to watch the kids interact with the pumpkins smell and guts! I've said it before and I'll say it again, but they are too funny to watch and crack me up!

Elaina's pumpkin got to be first, Papa's carved a special one just for her!

Getting interested in what's going on, asking serious questions [I just have no idea what they were.] :)

Paying close attention as Papa works on the master piece.

Elaina's finished pumpkin! She loved it. Out of the ones like this I decided to post this one because she got some of the pumpkin goo on her and I love the look on her face and close examination she gave her hand because she wasn't too sure about that part.

"Okay Mom, I'm done. Get me down."

We obviously don't let the kids help carve the pumpkins but they did get to help pick out the faces they wanted and help gut the pumpkins. Then they were the helpers in theory while Papa Dewey or Daddy did the rest. Marcus saw them getting out the knives and went to his tool chest and got out his safety goggles for Manny to wear. We thought it was hilarious and very smart of him and thoughtful to think of protecting his Popi. Manny wore his safety goggles [no lenses and all] the whole time. I LOVE these two boys! I don't know if they will ever know just how much.

Working hard. Popi's little helper.

My sad little goblin

Marcus helped me 'gut' his pumpkin! Wasn't too sure about the smells and texture of the guts but he did a really good job helping me!

The night got pretty busy after this and I didn't get a picure of all of the finished products but we had a great time. I'll have to find one of them on Halloween night to post!

Thanks Papa for such a fun night and helping the kids create their very own special Halloween Pumpkin to display! They were so proud of them.

Family Temple Day

September 26th we had a family Temple Day at the Draper temple. It was such a beautiful day and perfect weather! Here's a few snap shots from that day. :)

Not hard to tell why these two are our weaknesses eh?

Marcus is becoming more and more a minature Manny.

Such a 'Manny face.' He such a little stud all decked out!

Our little Dolly

Love those chubby cheeks!

James and Deborah, Dad, Ang, Brady, Manny, Marcus, Elaina, Jana, Mom, Rebecca, Miguel, Jazzy, and Becca.

Manny, Marcus and Becky [Manny's other Mom] :)

Me and my dolly

Walking the Walk....

Elaina's 1st Birthday!

So this is very much so past due but I've really got to back track on a few of my blogs just because they are important milestones for my family. One day I'll turn my blog post into a book so I can't have the BIG moments missing...here's hoping I can do better to keep these up to date once I get caught up.

We had Elaina's family birthday party the Sunday before her actual birthday and it was a blast! She was so happy and cute the whole weekend. The Saturday before her party her two nephews had a camp out for a boys night...they did just 'boy stuff' during the day but she thought she was hot stuff hanging out with Spidey, Batman, and Hogle Zoo Boy. Here are some snap shots of her the day of her party, with her presents and her actual birthday where we went to the zoo with two of her aunts and her cousin, Justin! Fun week!

Saying cheese for the camera! Yes, the following night when I was taking a picture of them in the tent Marcus says, say cheese and without skipping a beat, Elaina grins real big and says, "CHEESE!" She had a big audience here and was drinking it up!

Elaina's 1st Birthday Cake - Made with love by Mommy

A long time tradition in our family is to have a cake ONLY for the birthday girl [or boy] on their first birthday just for them to 'destroy.' This was Elaina's very own birthday cake.

She loved her new toy box, she kept wanting to climb in and play so finally we let her, wasn't long before one of her buddies was in their too.

She just beamed ear to ear while we sang to her. Was so happy and clapping her hands...she was also captivated by the flames on her cake!

Manny was in charge of the video camera and there was a technical difficulty with it so I don't have footage of her. She was hesitant to start with and then got the hang of it and loved it! Then her Daddy gently pushed her face in it and she was mad to begin with and then just dug in since she was already dirty I guess. :)

Gettin' the hang of it!

So I could remember what all she got I took her picture with all of her gifts. She was playing with Marcus and not to happy to have to take a time out here but I had to get things cleaned and organized so it was then or never....

Marcus started singing to her and she started to come around...before long she was happy, her though she's in between being happy and mad still.

The Big Day! Manny, Marcus, Elaina, Me, Justin, and Jessie

Aunt Jessie and Aunt Amy took the day off to come to the zoo with us! It was a lot of fun having them and Justin with us to celebrate the big 1! [The sun was blaring and I couldn't keep my eyes open to save my life so this is a horrible picture, but it's the only one I have so here we are.]

Aunt Amy with Justin, Marcus and Elaina

Mommy and Elaina checking out the Elephants! One of our favorites!

Justin and Elaina...stroller cruizin buddies.

Checking out the bears! Another of our favorites!

Aunt Jessie and Justin

Playing around on the big elephant that startled the kids...they looked so concerned, it was pretty funny to watch their reaction.

Getting ready to check out the rhino's. Not in the zoo 10 minutes and she already had her socks and shoes off. Guess that's what happens when you have babies that time of year. They were too small to HAVE to have shoes on all the time during the summer, since she didn't like them on I didn't make her wear them during the summer because I don't like shoes...took awhile to get her use to wearing them but we are getting there slowly.

Stopping at the ol' water whole.

Aunt Amy and Elle checking out the big cats!

Aunt Bun Bun and Marcus

-hitchin' a ride :)

Justin and Elaina...they weren't too sure about these things.

Can you tell he has had his picture taken a bunch. He posed himself here and told me to take his picture. Good work Marcus! I've taught you well lil' Buckaroo!

On her birthday Elaina was cruising everywhere as long as she was holding onto something. It's not that she couldn't, it's that she wouldn't until SHE was ready! She says Dad, Mama, Cheese, Hi, Bye, she waves bye and blows kisses. When it's time for her bath she always steps out of her PJ bottoms and will reach to put her arms in the sleeves when getting dressed. She's been doing the latter two since she was about 10 1/2 months and has been drinking from a straw since about 9 months. She's learned to do a lot of things by one! Her pediatrician said kids that have a bigger vocabulary usually walk later and vice versa so she wasn't concerned about it. I wasn't either as I know like with everything else, she will do it WHEN SHE IS READY and not on anyone else's time frame. So her she is finally humoring me and standing up pretending to walk and taking 2-3 steps before she refuses to do anymore! You are a stubborn and independent little one Elle. I don't know where you get that from.

Going for a walk with Mommy and Popi

Measuring up to the apes! They have this new measuring chart which I hadn't seen...Marcus thought it was great! Elaina was a good little mimic and did exactly as Daddy and her big brother did.

To end the festivities we stopped at Cafe Rio for dinner! We are singing happy birthday to her here and she is eating it up! LOVED the whole thing!

She was EXHAUSTED by the time we got home. Justin went and laid in her crib and Elaina crashed on Marcus' bed! She had too much fun!

Manny and I took Marcus to the zoo on his birthday. Since it was perfect season to go on hers that's where we decided to go to make it a tradition. We had a lot of fun spending time with one another and are so thankful to have our little Elaina, "Lainer, Lainey, Elle." I don't know what we ever did without her! Thank you for a wonderful year Elaina and for all the joy, peace, happiness, and love you bring to all of our lives! We sure do love you and are so grateful you belong to us. I can't believe a year has already flown by! "Can I keep you?"

Going for a Drive

They say a sign of getting older is time going by more quickly. Even though I am now closer to the big 3-0 than 20 I still don't consider myself 'old.' I have convinced myself that I never want to grow 'old'....more mature, wiser, kinder...yes. But not 'old.' Thank goodness for two children and several nieces and nephews to keep me young at heart and help me to remember the important things of life....just so happens that the most important 'things' in life aren't things.

I got cancelled the last 8 hours of my shift at the hospital so I now find myself resisting the urge to wake Elaina up so I can hug and kiss her and tell her how much I missed her cute little face. Now, I am waiting for the sleeping pills to kick in so that sleep can come. In the meantime I've been looking at blog posts that my sister is so good about doing, wondering where this last summer has gone...year has gone! In looking at the little faces I adore so much I started thinking about the power of love. How blessed I am to have felt love in the capacity that I have. I know some people search and search and will never know the feeling. There are a lot of "things" in this world that I don't have or will never have, but I have been blessed with the gift of love in my life.

I remember being a top the peak at Snowbird, standing on a grand mountain, snowflakes dancing around two love birds, clouds creeping upon us, engulfing and crawling over the mountain side. I remember that moment and the exact words he said to me and I remember thinking I how much I thought I loved Manny that day. I remember walking down the isle seeing so many loved ones faces and then finally resting my eyes on my future husband, seeing his handsome face as each step I took brought me closer and closer to him, my body unable to breathe or think or concentrate on anything but that moment....seeing his soft gentle stare and admiration for the woman he beheld drew me closer, I remember then how I thought I loved him then. I remember the first time as a family we got to go to lunch [Manny, Marcus and I.] I remember feeling so happy and feeling so in love with these two boys. I remember the first time Marcus thought enough of me to call me 'Mommy.' The first time he ran and greeted me with hugs and a kiss voluntarily and was genuinely happy and excited to see ME....the first time he said "I love you Jana," the first time I saw him truly sad to leave me. The first time he chose to give me hugs first instead of Manny. I thought I knew love then. Becoming a step parent first, knowing how I feel about Marcus, I never believed that the love I would feel for Marcus would be different than what I would feel for my own child. I was wrong and I've just barely pin pointed the difference. I have always given my love freely to Marcus. The only way I knew how to be a step parent was to treat him as my own child therefore, I did as any mother would do. I gave him my heart whole hearted freely. I sacrificed. I felt empty when he left our little nest. Joy when he got that "ah ha!" moment. I thought and prayed about him when he was miles away, when he was in the next room, when he was curled up in my lap. The difference you ask?While I was giving of myself and loving him best I knew how....unlike the love I share with Elaina....Marcus' love isn't always unconditional love being reciprocated back towards me. With the hard moments and difficult side of step parenting came so many good and incredible moments, so many moments that you thought your heart would burst from the joy and happiness and love one felt...Being a step parent....I thought I knew what love is.

I remember the day I read the pregnancy test was positive. I remember being in our little apartment and looking into my husband's anxious face - eyes dancing around my face searching, hoping for the yes. Happy to see the twinkle in his eyes when he heard the news. I remember feeling so in love with him in that moment and so completely happy. That day, I thought I knew what love was. The day I had my first ultrasound and first saw Elaina in my belly...my heart stopped beating as I saw her little bean shaped self dance around inside me, love burned in me. The first time I beheld her gorgeous face, the first time she nestled down in my arms and like that I had fallen in love all over again. With her. With Manny. With Marcus. I thought I knew what love was. In these moments and so many others - too many to name by one, I've thought I knew the meaning and the feeling of love. Then comes a moment where I am so consumed with joy, happiness, love, adoration, peace that I wonder how so many months ago, so many times over...how I THOUGHT I was in love when this is ten times greater, deeper, stronger.

This coming Saturday I am "going for a drive." ;) I believe when you are trying to be good the adversary, 'forces of evil,' whatever you wish to call it will try and keep you from doing that which will make you a better person, that which will make you stronger, and happier. A lot of opposition has become Manny and I as we prepare for "our drive." It has been hard, difficult, sometimes unbearable forcing us to tears and down on our knees in prayer but it's had the reverse effect it meant to - it has brought us closer. Made us stronger. Taken our two broken hearts and weaved them together as one. When we felt we couldn't go on, that it was too hard, or too painful, we learned to embrace each other and let our tears become as one. Each time gaining a deeper love and appreciation for the other and being able to remember why we fell in love with one another. I have waited for this upcoming moment for a long time and been through hell and back to get there. I know when Saturday comes and that moment I've been waiting for is here, I know that I will once again find myself thinking, feeling...I thought I knew love. I thought I was in love. I thought I felt love until now but this...well this is indescribable, completely overwhelming in the most positive sense there is and total and complete joy, happiness....and peace.....and....love will consume my entire being.

I cannot wait for that moment and the many more to come in the coming years.

Happy 1st Birthday Elaina!!

Me about 4 AM waiting for my baby

Same time, Manny waiting...wouldn't it be nice to be a guy and have the ability to sleep through everything? ;)

Here she is!!! Her first cries were music to my ears!

Amazing to me how alert she was even the day she was born.

My 'snow white'

Proud big brother. He was a little aprehensive when he first met her but then warmed up to her and has latched on to her ever since. When he gets home Wednesday morning's now he goes straight to her crib to peak on her. He is adorable with her.

Love at first sight.

It's amazing how quickly a year can come and go. A year ago tonight about this time [midnight] I was hunched over in pain and had finally surrendered to Elaina's plans and told Manny IT WAS TIME TO GO. This baby was coming! She has other plans for her Mommy. Last August I craved PEACHES and Cafe Rio [spicy foods]. The feelings of discomfort in my own body are too imprinted in my memory to forget just after a year. Swollen feet, toes, legs, achy, tired back, a certain picture Manny took of my sad foot the weekend Amy moved in to her house is too vivid still in my mind to be forgotten already. Despite the discomfort, my favorite parts of being pregnant was towards the end. Lying on my back and watching my tummy roll in waves as I watched my little girl moving around inside me. Feeling the movements of her [although they became strong and sometimes painful] I was still in complete awe at the miracle growing inside me.

After a long hard week at work [12 hours shifts KILL when you're a pregnant CNA even if it's 2-3 shifts a week] combined with other activities during the weekend left me drained and exhausted. Although I didn't do much to help my sister move as I felt so sick and exhausted from the work week and getting things prepared and organized for her arrival...what I did do still left me feeling more fatigued. Labor Day I finally slept in until about 10:45 and got some rest. When I woke up I had all sorts of energy. "Nesting" had set in and I got a lot of stuff done and set out to run last minute errands. I remember after a few stops I stopped at Subway to get a sandwich because I needed to eat something but I didn't want anything too greasy. While I was eating my lunch [about 3:30] I just had an overwhelming sense of peace and happiness come over me. About that same time I also started having the beginning of labor pains. My next stop was Wal Mart to exchange some duplicate gifts for other little fillers we needed for her. Labor Day at Wal Mart was not the day to do exchanges. I waited in line at the service desk for over a half an hour. I remember I kept getting pains and it became more and more difficult to stand there let alone tolerate the annoying people around me. I finally made it through the line and back to the back of the store to get what I needed and decided I couldn't go anywhere else, that I just needed to lie down for a few minutes and all would be fine again. My contractions kept coming and were consistently 5-7 minutes apart and then would stop for a bit so I kept telling myself it wasn't the real deal and she wasn't coming. I remember about 8:00 at night my mom saying, "Manny. Would you please tell your wife that this baby is coming tonight. She isn't working tomorrow, she's having a baby." About 9:30 is when I started to time and keep good track of my contractions again as I decided I better start again just in case [9:00 they had slowed down for about an hour so I took 2 Tylenol PM so I could sleep before my shift]. For two hours they were right on schedule...I didn't want to go to the hospital and be sent home so I tracked them a longer than what my Dr. told me to be sure it was the real deal. A little before midnight when I experienced a very intense contraction I decided she WAS in fact coming and I better hit the road.

We got to the hospital and got checked in. When they checked me I was dilated to a 6. About 12:45 my water broke. I got my epidural shortly after and it was smooth sailing the rest of the way. Elaina and I had a deal that she would wait until September to be born and that she wouldn't come over Labor Day weekend because Marcus would be out of town to a reunion with his Mom. I also didn't want her to come over the weekend because Amy was moving and needed man power to get moved out of her apartment. I wanted to work one more week but she listened to the most important request I made so I couldn't complain. I had one final last minute request - that she wait until Dr. Terry got there to be born.

It was a surprisingly short night considering. I fell asleep for about 5 minutes then the nurse came in to check me and I was awake the rest of the time. I kept thinking about what she was doing prior to being born. I kept thinking about what she would look like. What Marcus would do when he saw her. I was too stoked to sleep. I just sat in my delivery room, Manny asleep at my side on the couch, my mom sitting in front of me on a chair who FINALLY decided to get a couple minutes of sleep for the big moment and I thought of every last little thing I could. Modern medicine is a beautiful thing. Since I got the epidural, I didn't feel a thing until it wore off which made the rest of the delivery a very pleasant, beautiful, experience as neither I or Elaina had any complications.

Right at shift change I was dilated to a 10 and 100% effaced. They were getting things set up and I was getting nervous as my Dr. wasn't in the room yet. About 7:15 I think it was, he came in was gowned and ready to go in no time. It was the moment of truth. I don't remember it taking very long to get her out, 5-7 pushes and she was here at 7:34 AM. I remember waiting breathlessly to hear that first breath and cry... and nothing. As I watched my baby and Dr. Terry he was tickling her feet and stroking her and finally gave her bum a swat and out it came as did my first breath after she was born. I was a Mommy. My little girl had safely made it here and her first sad, scared cries were music to my ears. I couldn't believe the shear perfection I saw right before me. "2 pounds of hair," beautiful skin, perfect 10 toes and fingers, the cutest round little cheeks. I could finally let a few tears fall in absolute joy and happiness as I looked around this perfect scene and saw my husband beaming with joy and pride and my own Mother there to be with me on this special day for me, listening to her tell me all about her first big stories I anxiously awaited a closer look. I reached my trembling arms to receive my little bonita. I fell in love 10 times over and over, again and again. As they took her away I felt empty and alone and ached to hold and smell and kiss her. While they took care of her we called her new big brother to tell him the news. He wasn't too sure about it. When he first met her - he wasn't too sure about her but shortly after he was all big brother and couldn't get enough of her.