Easter Sunday

Last year we planned to go on a family vacation the week of my birthday, I told Manny that's 'all' I wanted for my birthday since in years past we haven't been allowed to have Marcus at all for birthday celebrations with the exception of last year [we got to pick him up the day of my birthday for the majority of morning/early afternoon.] When we planned to do our vacation the week of my birthday I didn't realize that Easter Sunday was that weekend so we decided to post pone the trip and just keep our extended parent time since it was already scheduled as this would be the first time Marcus would be able to come to my family birthday dinner. I was so excited to just have my whole family there, crazy how when you get older it's the 'simple' little things that make the difference. With Easter Sunday and my birthday weekend I was stoked to have Marcus with us and to have 9 whole days off of work to spend with the kids and Manny. I planned all these fun things for Easter since we had the time off and Marcus with us (this is the first year we had Marcus for Easter where he was excited or interested to dye eggs and really get into the festivities of the holiday, not too mention Elaina is at a fun age too.) Slowly all my plans and fun things started to get unravel. It all began with my Dad going into the hospital the Thursday before Easter, then finishing touches on remodeling the bathroom prevented the traditional dying of eggs, which took away the traditional egg hunt as well; one thing after another it was all falling apart. I still had Sunday though, Easter Day and my family birthday dinner/party. Right before we were sitting down to eat, Manny got a call that his brother had been in an ATV accident and was in the ER so he raced down to see what was going on. The first year I was going to have the blessing of having my whole family there and my Dad ended up not being there as did my husband. I suppose some of us aren't meant to have it all. It was bad enough Dad wasn't home that day, I tried really hard to not let the irritation get to me and still enjoy my time with the ones that were there but I only ended up getting mad at myself for feeling cheated and selfish for not wanting my husband to run off on Easter Sunday and my birthday dinner. Having my family together is the only real gift I could ask for, two and three years ago - that's all I could of asked for was to have everyone together. It was still a nice day, lots of sweet moments with the kids and lots of hugs and kisses from Marcus and Elaina which kept me from losing it truth be told. Plus we had a very nice dinner and at least all my siblings and nieces and nephews were there this year.

Anyways, the Spring General Conference weekend fell over Easter weekend which in the LDS church means, no meetings at church that day. It being Easter, of course, I wanted pictures of the kids in their Easter outfits so I dressed them up anyway to grab a few shots. It was freezing cold and snowing all weekend and by the time I made time for pictures Elaina was grumpy and desparently needing a nap and Marcus was too busy having fun with cousins, I knew if I didn't get them then, I wouldn't get them at all. Marcus was still my Prince and was a good sport about letting me interrupt Spidey/Batman time for a few pictures and we ended up getting a few smiles out of Elaina before she lost it. Kind of disappointing to miss out on a lot of the traditions and things I was looking forward to for as long as I've waited for them to happen but life's about learning to dance in the rain right? I have way too many picures from Easter morning to try and choose from but here's a few snapshots of our good lookin' kids on Easter Sunday.

SO stinkin' cute!

He was sweet, he reached for her hand to help her down so I had to pause to grab a picture. :)

Running to meet Justin who pulled up to the house as we were taking pictures. So excited to see her bud! All the ones of just Elaina she is screaming in or has her dumb binky so these two cute ones of the back of her will do.

Aunt Deborah did her hair in braids for her, she was so cute and prissy walking up to the house to go play with Justin.

Getting so big! What a handsome stud!

Cute Boys

Hmmm....one of these times, I'll get the pictures in the right order, the FIRST time! ;) Oh well, this one is just because....

My Dad was admitted to the ICU in April this year. We had made it through the hard winter months and thought we escaped the yearly trip to the ICU/hospital but it crept up on him nonetheless. Last year Elaina was 5 months old, Justin was about 3 months and Jaxon was 4 1/2 months or so, we had 3 strollers in the waiting room at one point but they were MUCH easier to control in that setting at that age than they were this year. As you can imagine an 18 month is very difficult to keep off the floor and doesn't understand the concept of a germ consciencious mother who's skin crawls and gets the hebbie jebbies every time her babies hands touched the floor. I don't know how many times I wiped things down and sprayed them with hand sanitizer, lol. The second night I finally just decided to try not to think about it and pray they didn't get sick. While watching the two of them play it made me reflect on the last year and filled me with gratitude for all I had been blessed with. We've had our challenges in many shapes and forms, but I remember all to vividly sitting in the ICU waiting room trying to prepare my 27 year old mind and heart to lose my Superman. Facing that you realize no matter how old you are or what phase in life you are in, you are NEVER ready to face that or to let go. Thinking back on the last year I think mostly of all the moments my Dad has been there for my little Elaina and about the sweet, tender relationship she has with her Papa. He is one of her best buddies in the world. She adores her Papa! Those two have a special bond and it has been fun to watch it flourish and watch him [and Grammy] spoil her rotten. It broke my heart when Marcus and Elaina saw their Papa and got worried instantly once they saw how sick he looked. Elaina reached for her Papa, took one look at him and started crying and reaching for him. She bought made me lose it then and there flashing back to last year but I knew I had to be strong for her and Marcus so as not to frighten them more. I feared the worst feeling the pain of my little Dolly and how crushed she'd be if she were to lose her Papa now. I am grateful for priesthood blessings and the advancements in modern medicine. Facing hard times and scary thoughts again, I am grateful for parents who raised me with a knowledge of the Plan of Salvation and knowing our Heavenly Father has a plan for all of us. I am grateful for the power of priesthood and to have a husband who holds and honors that sacred duty. In such moments of fear, anxiety, and sadness, it's amazing to me how the Spirit can comfort and touch us to bring peace and happiness in the most trying times of all. I am grateful for the strong man my Dad is and am glad he fought to come home. I love you Dad!

Matchy matchy...

On a more random and less emotional note, as we got ready for the day after bath time while I was getting Elaina diapered and dressed, I sent Marcus up to get his clothes and told him to get something with long sleeves that was warm since it was snowing. This shirt is what he chose. Knowing we would be seeing Justin at the hospital I told him, "Hey maybe Justin will wear his matching shirt and I can finally get the two of you with your matching shirts on [what can I say, great minds think alike so sometimes the kids end up with SOME of the same clothes and since they both got the same shirt, I've wanted a picture of both of them wearing it.] When we got to the hospital and saw Justin in the waiting room and saw he was wearing the same shirt I had to laugh and thought, it's a good thing I have my camera! haha! Justin wasn't having it at the time and since I had two little boys not into pictures at the moment, I just took it and left it at that. :) This was the intention of the post...to 'document' the happy moment where I could FINALLY get a picture of them wearing their twin-er shirts but saw the picture of Justin and Elaina and all that came out too, sometimes writing is a cartharsis for me and apparently I needed to talk even if it's to myself to help me remember. :)

Baby Steps...

Today we had the opportunity to go with Marcus to meet his preschool teacher, Ms. Hilary. He has been talking about preschool for months and is so excited! His Popi picked him up from his mom's this morning for our weekend parent time and then they started getting ready for his big day. He has been SO excited to go to Dylan's preschool! We've been trying to schedule with Uncle Dave's Barbershop for haircuts but he's a hard man to get these days so Manny took Marcus today to get their haircut so they'd look sharp for our appointment. They spent the morning together having fun "just being dudes" and then Marcus came home and spent time with Elle and I while Manny took my dad to doctors. We did baths and picked out one of his cute new Easter outfits [minus the shirt, he just wore a T-Shirt until it was a little closer to leave so he didn't get it dirty.] But, Marcus, Elle and I played Super Mario Bros Wii for a bit and just hung out and had fun. When Manny got home he showered and got ready and helped Marcus get his shirt on while I finished getting ready. I bout lost it when both my boys came in looking so sharp and handsome. Marcus came in asking, "How do we look Jana?" It took a minute to gain composure but then once I could form a word and sentence, I told Marcus how handsome he looked in his new outfit, and sandals he got for his birthday and told him that he made my heart flutter which he thought was funny. He giggled and said, "Thanks Jana" and ran and gave me big hugs and kisses!

There's nothing like that feeling in world! It's funny. I waited for 26 years to find someone to fall in love with and spend the rest of my life with, I never realized that when you become a parent, it's love at first sight. I honestly believe there's nothing or no one in this world that can prepare you for that level of joy and love. With Marcus, I don't have the mother/child bond that I do with Elaina BUT the emotions for such milestones or heartaches or joys are all the same. I keep telling myself to get a grip, that I'm only the step parent and I shouldn't be this emotional and it shouldn't be this hard to let go, but for you Mom's and and Dad's out there that have done this yourself, know that it's a hard thing to do. In my eyes, Marcus is very ready to begin this next chapter in his life...Manny, I and I'm sure his Mom however on the other hand...not so much. It's a good thing for me that we have another 5 months to wrap our heads around it and get a little more prepared for his new journey.

I was going to take a picture of him and him and Manny before we left the house because, well my name is Jana and I LOVE pictures! Don't know where the time went but before I knew it we were rushing out the door to make it on time and it's a good thing we did because it was like rush hour traffic started at 3 today, maybe everyone left early for Friday, I dunno. But I didn't have time to grab my two snapshots so here is one of him in the car, excited and ready to go.

We went to the Meyers house after wards so all the cousins could play together. Being the sentimental fool that I am, I did at least have to get one of just Marcus even though it's not at our house. He looks so grown up and is SO handsome, just like his Popi!

XOXOXO Kiddo! I love you!

Hoppin' Down the Bunny Trail...

We had Marcus for extended parent time the first week in April. So we planned to take the kids the Thursday before Easter and invited Justin to go with us to make it a little more fun, the more the merrier, right? That morning my Dad was admitted to the STICU at Intermountain Medical Center but I decided that even with all that was going on we were going to keep our plans and still go to enjoy part of the holiday traditions and take the kids to do something fun before we spent the rest of the night at the hospital which is not so fun for young kids.

We went to Fashion Place Mall because it was closer to the hospital. What a difference 4 months makes! At Christmas Elaina wasn't sure about Santa but she didn't cry or anything when we had her go sit on his lap, she just looked confused as to why she was sitting there and who was this strange man. I don't know if it's because it's a giant bunny but she wanted nothing to do with him up close. From a distance she would smile and wave and was excited but once we got close she started freaking out. She wouldn't even sit down by Marcus so we improvised and made it a family event. No smiles here either but at least she isn't running for her life and screaming bloody murder. \''/ Marcus of course was excited and not scared at all but a little sad later on because while we were driving to the hospital he says, "Dad. Jana. I forgot to tell the bunny what I wanted." We went the week before because we were out shopping with the Hopkins and Justin wanted to go say hi then too, Marcus wasn't with us so I didn't get pictures and because I planned to bring both of the following week we just went through the line. I told him that it was okay because we ran into the bunny last week when we were out shopping and told him. Lucky enough this satisfied him and it was all good again!

I'm glad we invited Justin because he was a crack up to watch. He LOVED the bunny BOTH times we went and was giving him high 5's and smiling and playing with him. Jessie says, "I wonder if he thinks it's a giant stuffed animal?" When it was time for his picture he would laugh and smile when looking at the bunny but once he turned around at the camera he looked all serious. It was really fun and I'm glad I kept my plans to keep this tradition. The rest of the weekend all of my other traditions and fun things got swept under the rug so I'm glad we at least got to do this. Oh and P.S. Jess, DETAILS! You should have pulled Elaina's pant legs down, lol!

Happy Easter to all!