I had promised myself I was going to catch up on editing and organizing pictures and getting things together once the holidays were over. Our laptop was broken in December and we still haven't gotten it fixed so it's put a kink in my goals but I'm going to still try. I really want to do better about writing things down as they happen so I don't forget so here are just a few recent things that the kids have been up to that I don't want to forget.
First off, everyone knows what a Daddy's girl and Papa's girl Elaina is. Living with my parents Elaina has the advantage of being spoiled by Papa and Grammy every day. Since my Dad has been on medical retirement for the last year, he has been able to spend a lot of time with her, they are like two peas in pod those two. Elaina cannot go to bed without first leaving our room, going up the stairs, running through the kitchen and down the hall to Papa and Grammy's room to say goodnight. After a few minutes, Manny and I hear the little footsteps running back down the hall, through the kitchen and down the stairs to make her grand entrance to our room so we can dote on her and welcome her back to the room, she is such a little ham. Hearing those little footsteps running around has been one of my new favorite things to hear, I LOVE it. Last Saturday Manny took Elaina upstairs to feed her breakfast and get ready for the day. As he approaches the kitchen he finds Elaina's little plate all ready for her. Papa had cooked her eggs, hash browns, toast and fixed her a cup of milk and had her breakfast ready and waiting for little sleeping beauty to awaken. It was so sweet, I wish he would have taken a picture of it ;) haha. Papa loves all his grand babies but we all know he has a soft spot for Elle and you should see how mad she gets when she has to share her Papa [or Grammy.] I love the sweet relationship they share and how cute Dad is with her. She sit in front of him and pat his cheeks and love on him, it's adorable.
January 5th I was working my shift at the hospital, I remember I was particularly missing the kids when I received a text from my mom saying, "Need a laugh? I just told Elaina how cute she was...she turns around and said 'ganks.' I had been working with her in trying to learn a few words to tell me things that she wants or needs, manners was one thing-I know she's young but having gratitude and showing it, goes a long way and it's important to me that my children know the value of showing appreciation. Instant smile as I read that. She's learning so quickly and catching on to so many things, I love it and was sorry I missed it.
Another thing we've worked on the last few months is trying to get her to start following commands and direction, which also is helpful to enforce the words I teach her and what things are. Having her hand me her cup, or a toy, or brush etc. About 3 weeks ago I started having her get me a diaper and wipes out of her drawer for me to change her, imagine my surprise and awe when she did just that. Well 2 weeks ago we had just gotten home from my sisters house and Manny and I were snuggled up on the couch. Marcus and Elaina were playing in the front room when Elaina ran up to me to give me hugs and kisses. I grabbed her in my arms, while I was hugging her, I said out loud, "Oh Lainers, you're stinky and need dry pants." I gave her a kiss and put her down and she ran off. Manny and I were telling Marcus how cool his tricks were and not 2 minutes later, here came Elaina with a diaper and her tub of baby wipes. She had ran down the stairs, into our room, opened the dresser drawer and got out a diaper and the wipes, carried them back upstairs and brought them to me and layed down to be changed. I was needless to say impressed. I still see her as this little baby/girl, I was somewhat shocked and taken back that she understood and comprehended what I was saying, had the ability to go and get the right things to correct it and that she just went and took care of it. I guess I shouldn't have been because that's who she has always been but this took it to a new level for her. How fun to witness this growth in her. I know, I'm a sappy Mom who's joys in life are but the little things but I wouldn't have it any other way.
Last one I have for now just happened yesterday. After picking Marcus up from his mom's for our Wednesday date we were driving home. I had one of my Cd's playing with favorite songs on and 'Jail House Rock' by Elvis came on. Marcus started smiling and smirking as I started singing and dancing idiotically in the car and then joined in. He says, "Jana. This is the song you use to play when we went to our apartment." Once again, I was taken back because I'm thinking, is it a coincidence that thats true?! I use to always play Elvis when him and I would drive around. We started dancing and such again and I stop to tell Marcus, "Hey bud, you wanna know a secret? With a smirk on my face I continue to tell him that Elvis was my boyfriend before I met Daddy and left it at that [Manny knows of my little crush on Elvis but come on, he's dead and ya right if he was alive...it's harmless]. Well Marcus looked puzzled and contemplative and while I took note of that I continued to sing and dance my way home-giving no thought to others around me until just now as I'm writing this...hahaha. What a sight that must have been. :) Anyway, I was singing to the next song, "Fools Rush In" when after a couple of minutes Marcus says something like 'Jana, he was your boyfriend but then you met Daddy and you married Daddy!' I told him yes, Elvis is the GREATEST singer in the history of forever and he has the greatest voice ever and dance moves to boot but he was no Daddy so that's why I chose to marry Daddy and we lived happily ever after. For some reason this satisfied him and we continued on our adventure home...I told Manny though that I sure wish I would have been able to hear the wheels turning in his head as he thought through it all esp. after watching the process. While I was having fun with him, I hope that this 'good, clean, fun' doesn't one day discredit my record for never lying to him or him not being able to trust what I say....hmf. Real quick, we went through a phase where often times Manny and I found Marcus arguing with us about simple things. For example, We say, "Marcus the sky is blue," "No, it's purple, guys listen, yadda, yadda, yadda." As a result of this we've tried telling him several times that we won't ever lie to him and he can trust what we say because we love him too much to lie and hurt him and we only want what's best for him and that not everything is an argumentative matter. Some things are just the way they are and where he is the child not the parent, that's the way it is forever and ever and even when it comes to the dreaded nap which he at times attempts to negotiate. Oh, I love that boy.
The rest of the story, I pulled a Dewey, lol.....Every Wednesday while we walk to the car he asks, "Where is Daddy?" At home, anxiously waiting for you to come home, I always respond. As we approach the car, "Where's Lainers, she's in the car!?" 'Nope, I just left work kiddo, Lainers is at home sleeping, dreaming of playing with you when you get home.' Every Wednesday, without fail when Elaina hears Marcus' voice she is immediately up and reaching for him, clapping and smiling. I should have prefaced this by saying that the girl could sleep through a tornado so the fact she hears Marcus' little voice in a whisper and immediately wakes up is quite funny. Yesterday morning I put my work shoes in the wash room and rush to the bedroom to see the meet and greet as it's one of my favorite things to watch since we brought her home from the hospital. Like I reassured Marcus she would, she heard him come home and popped up in her crib, was grinning ear to ear, reached out her little arms and put them around him and layed her head on his shoulder as he embraced her and gave her just as good of a hug. She layed their for a couple of seconds and patted his shoulder as she welcomed him home. The transferance of their message wasn't communicated through words that day but through their arms and the look in their eyes.
Being Marcus' step mom has been amazing. A lot of joy and happiness and love have emulated from that relationship and I honestly know in my heart that there isn't anything I wouldn't do for Marcus that I wouldn't do for my 'own' child. I have always loved and treated him like he was mine, that's the only way I know how to love him. The only way his and my relationship differs from Elaina's and mine is while I give him the unconditional love same as I feel I give Elaina, it isn't reciprocated back that way to me as Elaina does [that's why at times I miss the year with him that it was.] I don't have the advantage of his step dad either where I get to be a vital part in his growth and development and every day life so the lack of time at this age really plays a part in our bond too. With Elaina, that bond with her is there and it's constant unconditional hugs and kisses, little feet running to me with arms outstretched to look for comfort when needed. Experiencing that love with my child has been one of my greatest joys in life. Equal to that is the joy I see when Marcus and Elaina are together. From the day we brought her home he has had this special relationship with her and it's something I treasure. I am so grateful I get to witness it grow and flourish. No matter how many days it's been since we've seen him, when Elaina and Marcus are together, it's like they haven't missed a beat together. I hope our other children we have have a close relationship and bond with Marcus [same for his any siblings he may have from his Mom's side] but I know none of them will be as sweet as the one he has with Elaina. Since Manny and I decided to have a baby there's two aspects that I have loved being a part of with Elaina joining our family. One is receiving HER and having an instant bond and love with her and appreciating and getting to know her, loving her, watching her grow, learn, and develop, but the other fun part of it for me as a Mom and Step Mom is watching Marcus take on the role of a big brother and seeing him with her. The woman and mother in me has often felt sadness that his Mom can't witness what they share and see the little boy and big brother he is with Elaina because it's truly been one of the sweetest, most innocent, pure and precious things to watch. Knowing Marcus though, I'm sure he'll be attentive and loving towards all his siblings. But, perhaps that's one of the gifts Manny and I have been blessed with to get through the painful and difficult parts of missing so much of Marcus' life. [I should note that I include myself in that because as Manny's wife I know that Manny and I being together is right and I feel confident in the happiness and love we've created as a couple and I know that Manny is where he should be. But I also know how much he loves and misses his son when he's with his Mom, it's bitter/sweet but that's the way it is. I'm sure I don't feel it on the same level as Manny does but I feel that sorrow and hurt along with other things that come as a result of having a blended family and being the Mom in my household. So, I say that because I think perhaps it's one way God has eased that pain for two of his children in a hard situation, while it is very rewarding, having a blended family isn't for the faint of heart no matter the ages or circumstances, so I consider these little moments a gift to us.]
I do wish I had that moment on camera [again, with the photography, I know], but it was one of those moments though that you freeze and don't blink so you don't miss one second of the moment. I guess that memory is too intimate, tender, and precious to only me that it will be one I get to take it to the grave and hopefully have for eternity with me.
Hugs and kisses to my darlings. Like I tell your Popi, while it doesn't sound like near enough for the way that I feel, simply put;
I love you and always will no matter what.
My Dad was admitted to the ICU in April this year. We had made it through the hard winter months and thought we escaped the yearly trip to the ICU/hospital but it crept up on him nonetheless. Last year Elaina was 5 months old, Justin was about 3 months and Jaxon was 4 1/2 months or so, we had 3 strollers in the waiting room at one point but they were MUCH easier to control in that setting at that age than they were this year. As you can imagine an 18 month is very difficult to keep off the floor and doesn't understand the concept of a germ consciencious mother who's skin crawls and gets the hebbie jebbies every time her babies hands touched the floor. I don't know how many times I wiped things down and sprayed them with hand sanitizer, lol. The second night I finally just decided to try not to think about it and pray they didn't get sick. While watching the two of them play it made me reflect on the last year and filled me with gratitude for all I had been blessed with. We've had our challenges in many shapes and forms, but I remember all to vividly sitting in the ICU waiting room trying to prepare my 27 year old mind and heart to lose my Superman. Facing that you realize no matter how old you are or what phase in life you are in, you are NEVER ready to face that or to let go. Thinking back on the last year I think mostly of all the moments my Dad has been there for my little Elaina and about the sweet, tender relationship she has with her Papa. He is one of her best buddies in the world. She adores her Papa! Those two have a special bond and it has been fun to watch it flourish and watch him [and Grammy] spoil her rotten. It broke my heart when Marcus and Elaina saw their Papa and got worried instantly once they saw how sick he looked. Elaina reached for her Papa, took one look at him and started crying and reaching for him. She bought made me lose it then and there flashing back to last year but I knew I had to be strong for her and Marcus so as not to frighten them more. I feared the worst feeling the pain of my little Dolly and how crushed she'd be if she were to lose her Papa now. I am grateful for priesthood blessings and the advancements in modern medicine. Facing hard times and scary thoughts again, I am grateful for parents who raised me with a knowledge of the Plan of Salvation and knowing our Heavenly Father has a plan for all of us. I am grateful for the power of priesthood and to have a husband who holds and honors that sacred duty. In such moments of fear, anxiety, and sadness, it's amazing to me how the Spirit can comfort and touch us to bring peace and happiness in the most trying times of all. I am grateful for the strong man my Dad is and am glad he fought to come home. I love you Dad!
On a more random and less emotional note, as we got ready for the day after bath time while I was getting Elaina diapered and dressed, I sent Marcus up to get his clothes and told him to get something with long sleeves that was warm since it was snowing. This shirt is what he chose. Knowing we would be seeing Justin at the hospital I told him, "Hey maybe Justin will wear his matching shirt and I can finally get the two of you with your matching shirts on [what can I say, great minds think alike so sometimes the kids end up with SOME of the same clothes and since they both got the same shirt, I've wanted a picture of both of them wearing it.] When we got to the hospital and saw Justin in the waiting room and saw he was wearing the same shirt I had to laugh and thought, it's a good thing I have my camera! haha! Justin wasn't having it at the time and since I had two little boys not into pictures at the moment, I just took it and left it at that. :) This was the intention of the post...to 'document' the happy moment where I could FINALLY get a picture of them wearing their twin-er shirts but saw the picture of Justin and Elaina and all that came out too, sometimes writing is a cartharsis for me and apparently I needed to talk even if it's to myself to help me remember. :) 
